The decision to move a parent to an assisted living community is a significant milestone. Navigating the shift from “I’ll take care of you” to “We’ve found a place that will take care of you” is a transition laden with emotion, steeped in practical concerns, and marked by a profound shift in family dynamics. This can be especially difficult if it concerns a parent with dementia or Alzheimer’s.
Moving a parent to assisted living requires clear communication, effective planning, and finding the right community that suits your loved one’s needs.
Recognizing When It’s Time for Assisted Living
The first step in this often-long but meaningful journey is recognizing when your parent’s needs have outgrown the capacity of the home environment. It may not be immediately obvious; it’s a patchwork of subtler changes that add to a picture of increased care requirements.
Here are some key signs to look out for:
Decline in Personal Hygiene
Subtle changes like unkempt appearances or the inability to wash themselves can indicate health or cognitive issues that need professional attention.
Home Safety Concerns
Frequent accidents in the home or neglecting home cleanliness or maintenance may suggest that the environment is no longer suitable for independent living.
Noticeable Weight Loss or Gain
Rapid weight changes could be due to a variety of reasons from difficulty in preparing meals, remembering to eat, or medication side effects, all necessitating more immediate care.
Changes in Social Behavior
Often, significant shifts in your parent’s socialization can be telling of loneliness, depression, or the inability to maintain relationships due to health issues. Isolation can even increase your parent’s risk of serious health issues.
Forgetfulness
Some age-related forgetfulness is perfectly normal. But beyond the occasional forgotten name, signs of declining memory like leaving the stove on or forgetting to take medicine could indicate safety concerns that need addressing.
Preparing for the Assisted Living Conversation
Tackling the topic of assisted living can be as daunting as the decision itself. It’s vital to approach the discussion with empathy, understanding, and a clear plan.
Start by listening. Exploring assisted living options should begin long before a decision is made. Take notes of your parent’s complaints and concerns about their living situation, then gently introduce the idea of exploring other options to address them.
When the time comes, share the responsibility and workload of researching communities. This not only empowers your parent with a sense of control over the situation but ensures that their needs and preferences are taken into account. In fact, make a list so you can refer to it when looking at communities. It’ll come in handy!
It’s worth saying, but be patient with them. Remember, this is a major life transition. It takes time for anyone to adjust to the idea, so don’t rush the process. Allow for multiple discussions, give your parent time to digest the information, and be there to address any concerns they might have.
Choosing the Right Assisted Living Community
The golden rule in selecting an assisted living community is that it must feel like home—or, at the very least, an upgrade.
Work with your parent’s healthcare professionals to understand their precise care needs. This will help you determine the level of care required, from those with minimal assistance for daily activities right up to specialized full time memory care.
To truly get a feel for a community, try to visit multiple times at different hours of the day. Pay attention to the staff-to-resident ratio, the cleanliness, and the interactions between staff and residents.
Choose a community that’s conveniently located for family visits and fulfills all the needs and preferences you discussed in the earlier conversations. It’s good to go back to the list you made earlier!
Managing Moving Day
Moving day will be a flurry of activity, both physically and emotionally. Here’s some tips on preparing for it:
- Make a detailed plan: Start planning the move as early as possible. Make a checklist of things that need to be done, and delegate tasks if necessary. The more organized you are, the smoother the day will go.
- Pack with a personal touch: One way to ease the emotional burden is to make sure your parent’s new living space feels like home. Pack their favorite belongings and mementos to make the new environment familiar and welcoming.
- Have emotional support in place: Moving day will be tough on everyone. Have a support system in place, whether it’s friends, family, or a professional, to help manage the stress and emotions of the day. Plus, take breaks when you need to.
The first weeks after the move are critical for helping your parent settle into their new space. Consistency and routine can be incredibly comforting during a time of upheaval. Work with the community staff to establish a daily routine that suits your parent’s preferences.
Assisted living communities offer a rich social environment. Encourage your parent to participate in activities and make new connections. This not only combats loneliness but can also help them find a sense of purpose and joy!
Even with new friends, regular visits, calls, and even letters or emails from family can bridge the physical gap and reassure your parent they’re not alone.
Start the Journey to Compassionate Care
In the end, the decision to move a parent to assisted living is an act of love and responsibility. It requires empathy, practical planning, and an unwavering commitment to their well-being. As you and your parent settle into this new reality, it’s okay to acknowledge the myriad of emotions that come with it—change, loss, gratitude, and, perhaps unexpectedly, joy for the new chapter beginning in a safe, supportive environment.
Peregrine Senior Living at Salisbury has helped many families make this journey, and we’re ready to help you too! Contact us to book a tour and take a step toward a happier, healthier, and more supportive future for both of you.
